Hank Smith:  00:00  Hello, everyone. Welcome to followHIM Favorites. You know the deal this year, John and I take on a single question from this week’s lesson. John, the lesson this week is Genesis 24 through 27. And we’ve got a difficult question for you that I hear from my students all the time. Which is, “How do I find a spouse?” Abraham has a servant who goes and finds a spouse for Isaac and brings her home and just sets her right in front of Isaac. How great would this be for those who are thinking, “I’ve got to find somebody on this planet to marry and be an eternal companion. Why can’t I have a servant like Abraham does, who’s going to do this for me?” What would you say to a student who says, “How do I find a spouse?”

John Bytheway:  00:47  Oh, I wish it were an exact science. It’s so different now. I like to think that marriage is one of the only commandments that you cannot obey by yourself. That agency is so important. And, if an arranged marriage here, that’s a totally different time, place, part of the world. But for us today, you have to find somebody who’s willing to marry you and you’re willing to marry them. The only other commandment I can think of that requires someone else’s agency is multiply and replenish the earth, and you’re supposed to get those in the right order, right?

Hank Smith:  01:15  Yeah.

John Bytheway:  01:16  So, it’s a totally different type of thing. And, I think sometimes the best you do is just be where you’re supposed to be, doing what you ought to be doing and ask Heavenly Father to help put somebody in the same space where you are somehow. In your school, in your ward, in your neighbor, whatever, because no, it’s not an exact science. With Isaac and Rebekah maybe the Lord had a special interest  working out the way that it did. It’s a great question. I want to hear what you have to say, Hank.

Hank Smith:  01:47  Yeah, it’s difficult. Do you remember section 88 of the doctrine covenants where the Lord says, “Light cleaveth unto light,” right? Intelligence cleaves to intelligence. Truth cleaves to truth. So, I’ve always told my students, if you want someone who is full of light and truth and intelligence to be attracted to you, you must be full of light and truth and intelligence. So, I think we control what we can control, which is ourselves.

John Bytheway:  02:12  Yeah.

Hank Smith:  02:12  And, our own choices. So, we fill our lives full of good things. And then we trust that the Lord will bring the person he wants to in the right time and the right place. I found that fairly early in my life. I was just 22 when I got married. But yet you were a little bit older, if I remember?

John Bytheway:  02:30  I was 33 the day I got married. And, so it was a good time though, because it really made me wrestle with some things. And, there’s a YouTube, I guess, on the education week channel, a talk that I gave, I think they titled it “Who, when, why we marry” or something like that. That was my attempt to answer this very question. The funny thing is people that have seen it, see me now and say, “Oh, you’re older.” So, it was recorded a while ago. I loved some of the things that the prophets have said about what falling in love is because mostly the database we use to figure out what falling in love is. is Hollywood and songs on the radio, which is a terrible place to go to figure out how to do life. I went to Nephi and Mr. Go and Do just went and did.

John Bytheway:  03:16  And that was over, but he was large in stature. And, so for us, it’s a little harder, but I love what you said, “Light cleaveth to light, be where you’re supposed to be, doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Be out there.” I know for a fact, the Lord can put compatible people in the same room somehow. I like what Michael Wilcox says, a guest that we’ve had. He says, “This isn’t a decision that God will make for you. You still need to make it.” But, he can get good people in the same space.

Hank Smith:  03:42  Yeah, that’s what I would say too is, we spend too much time trying to control things we can’t control. We’re going to end up frustrated and disillusioned and maybe even kind of jaded and angry. If we say “I can control me, then I’m going to be the best possible version of me I can be. And I’m going to be happy where I am.” I’ve never seen someone unhappy single all of a sudden become happy, married, right? Happy single people make happy, married people.

John Bytheway:  04:10  Right.

Hank Smith:  04:11  So, I would say find happiness in the situation you are in, be the best version of yourself you can possibly be. And, then we trust the Lord, right? We trust the Lord that the right thing will come at the right time.

John Bytheway:  04:23  And, it’s not an exact science. We all know wonderful, talented, righteous, incredible single adults. And, so if there were a perfect formula, we’d share it, but I think there’s some explanations that may just have to wait. But, like you said, Hank, love that idea. In fact, I wrote an article for the New Era once called “I have no friends” by John Bytheway. A kid came to me and said, “How do I make people like me?” And really, I thought, “Well, I don’t know if you can make people like you, but you can make yourself more likable.” And, that’s kind of what you were talking about, Hank. Don’t try to find the best person, but try to be the best person that you can be. Let Heavenly Father work his magic. Let him see if he can get you both in the same space. Don’t have a perfect answer, but have perfect faith that things will work out.

Hank Smith:  05:11  Yep. Things will work out.

John Bytheway:  05:13  Sometime.

Hank Smith:  05:14  Yeah. I like that, John. Things will work out for you. So, be optimistic, right? Be optimistic, be hopeful. And, you never know the miracle you might be looking for, could be just around the corner, but you won’t find it if you stop turning corners, if you stop the journey. So, keep moving forward. President Hinkley would say with a cheerful heart, with optimism, accentuate the positive and things will work out.

John Bytheway:  05:38  He did this, what would I do if I were you this whole poem at BYU once, “What would I do if I were you, if marriage didn’t come through, I’d be sad, but I’d say there’s no time to stew. Get busy, find something important to do.” And, I think that marriage is more likely to come as a byproduct of pursuing other useful activities and goals. And, that’s right out of an Ensign talk. I think it was Elder Carmack, John Carmack. And, then “By a direct and pointed campaign,” he said, it’s more likely to come as a result of pursuing other activities and goals. A byproduct. You’re out there. You’re doing good things. You meet somebody that way. So.

Hank Smith:  06:17  And I like that. I think one more time we probably ought to say John, that maybe you don’t end up married in this life. But, we trust the Lord, even in those situations.

John Bytheway:  06:28  Right.

Hank Smith:  06:28  Knowing that great latter day saints have come before that have never been married.

John Bytheway:  06:36  Right.

Hank Smith:  06:36  And, incredible work on the planet. You don’t have to be married to do incredible, good, important things.

John Bytheway:  06:44  I love to say that Moroni’s greatest work was accomplished while he was a single adult. That Moroni that stands on top of the temples. I’m alone, my father’s been killed in battle. He is the one who abridges the book of Ether, puts it in the Book of Mormon. Writes those remaining chapters of Moroni, last two chapters of Mormon. Greatest work while he was a single adult.

Hank Smith:  07:05  Yeah. I remember he said, “I have not friends nor wither to go.” And it reminded me of my high school years. I had not friends nor wither to go. Well, we hope that you will join us each week for followHIM Favorites and come join us on our full podcast, it’s called followHIM. You’re going to love the podcast this week. It’s with Dr. Camille Fronk Olson, who just does a really incredible job. So, let John and I help you get your scripture study in, but if not, we’ll see you next week for followHIM Favorites.